The Axe -My Ex
I saw my Ex-Boyfriend some days ago.
I was on a Motorbike, while he was on a tricycle. he saw me first and screamed my name while waving at me with a smile on his face, a smile that used to captivate me a lot.
I waved back at him excitedly and giggled when he threw me a kiss from the moving tricycle. Few seconds after this moment, reality dawned on me and I hated myself for waving back at him. I loathed myself more because I let myself get enthused for seeing him.
what a shame!
I'm not usually the girl to hate over an Ex, I'm usually the girl who relishes good memories and hold them to heart. But, this Ex was an Axe who I hated. This was the more reason why I felt disappointed in myself for even feeling a little excitement for seeing him.
This Ex was vile and horrible, he almost made me loose faith in humanity. I remembered how much he hurt me with little or no remorse. He made me break my cliché mentality of maintaining platonic relationships with my past partners, because he didn't deserve it.
I spent the rest of my day reliving over the few months of our relationship and how much I was In-love with him, I didn't miss the numerous moments he swindled me of my money and how I paid blind eyes to it because I was so Lovesick. Oh, I did ignore all the red flags and the writings on the wall until they came poking me in my heart.
It was tragic.
I hated him for so long after the break up. At some point, I wished he got a broken arm or something that would put him through excruciating pain. (Lord Forgive me).
But.
It took me few seconds of just seeing him to realize, "I didn't hate him”. and it made sense to me. I mean, it was okay to get lost in the anguish of the betrayal and pain he caused me, but what was wrong was letting that pain engulf me and contaminate my loving heart, and it brought me to question myself.
How could you hate someone you once Loved? Was it really Love if it ended in resentment?
And I became disappointed in myself again. And this time, it wasn't because of my excited encounter with my Ex.
But because.
Because I let someone undermine the capacity and the genuineness of my Love.
Never again.
I don't care how bad a relationship ended, I wont let the anger and hate contaminate the love I once expressed.
Never again.
