PAIN AND ITS COHORTS
I was dismissed from my job today.
I didn’t feel sad or distraught. I was numb. My life didn’t make any sense anymore.
Finding happiness again is difficult when you lose it.
I rode with the staff bus for the last time, I could see the look of pity from my colleagues. Mrs. Ese, the HR, kindly told me I could return when I feel much better, oh I know she was just being polite. Moreover, I was never going to get better.
I dropped off at the last stop and took a walk to my mom’s house. It was a really small apartment that sat far from the other houses just at the brim of a lake, my mom had plants littered around the house. Every evening I would sit on the veranda while I stared into the lake, my mom would serve me my favorite tea each time. It has been like this for the past 3 months.
This evening, she sat just beside me as she passed me a mug of green tea, I stole a glance at her and I needed no words to confirm the looks on her face, she was fed up with me.
“You have to leave this week, Eno” ,she said. I’ll be having a friend over this weekend and I’m tired of babysitting you. I have a life to live. there was a mild hoarseness in her voice.
A promiscuous life you mean Mom? I replied with a smirk on my face.
She gasped in shock. I expected her to hit me like she always did. Rather she stood up and walked to the door, she muttered something under her breath and hissed.
I heard her pause just as she turned the knob of the door and I could feel her gaze on me, I just stared right ahead of the lake.
You are an ugly ungrateful bitch you know?, I don’t want to see you in my house tomorrow, Eno. She sternly said. I could feel the anger in her voice now.
I stayed silent, still paying her no attention.
I think my silence infuriated her further because she quickly charged at me and pounced on me. I had my hands over my head to protect myself to the best of my ability. She pulled my hair vigorously and cussed at me continuously.
I could smell alcohol on her breath.
Not only was my mom a promiscuous whore, but she’s also an unrepentant drunk.
I hate that I had to live with my mom, I hated her. But she was the only one I had. She was the only one willing to accommodate me after I abandoned my house. I had no friends, no lover, not even a father.
A few months ago, I was happy. I had a man that loved and adored me, he was the core of my existence. We were so perfect together, at least I thought we were. Until that night, I had just got back from the saloon and he was sitting on the couch in the sitting room, he didn’t have a spark in his eyes, he didn’t smile at me. He had his luggage at his feet, I panicked. My feet felt stuck to the floor, I couldn’t move from the door. This scene seemed all too familiar.
I managed to whisper “hey baby, what’s happening”, why do you have your bags packed.
He stared at me for a few seconds, then he stood up and dragged his luggage behind him and walked up to me, he paused just by my side and looked at me straight in my eyes, and just as I expected, he brushed past me and walked right out through the door.
And walked out of my life.
3 days after that night, I didn’t step out of the house, I lay in my bed and cried myself to sleep every day. I prayed and hoped he walk right back through the door and venture into his terrible laughter and tell me it was just one of his numerous jokes.
I would walk to the window whenever I heard a car in the driveway, hoping to see him. I was hoping he’d come home back to me. My life was useless without him.
The pain was penetrating my veins, I ran out of breath occasionally, and I didn’t feel my heart in my chest anymore. Of course, He left with my heart.
I didn’t care about anything, I didn’t care about anyone. I think Pain cannot be rightly described until it’s being experienced.
What did I do wrong, why did he leave me.
On the 4th night, a little past 8 pm, I threw on a hoody over black sweatpants. I looked at myself in the mirror shortly, I hated what I saw in there. I walked out of the house and took a cab to my mom’s house, I cried throughout the ride.
My driver passed me a pack of tissue and continuously kept stealing glances at me from the review mirror. I could see worry and confusion in his eyes. I dropped off at the street to my mom’s house and ran the remaining way down to her door.
I was out of breath and panting when I got to the door, I tapped furiously at the door with my two hands, I was crying uncontrollably now. The door opened shortly and mom was standing there with a towel tied over her chest, I looked over her shoulders and there was a light-skinned man who looked young enough to pass as my younger brother. I looked my mom in the eye, it has been over 3 years since I last saw her. She looked right back at me and i saw recognition jump into her eye.
She knew!
it is was true then, pain did recognize pain.
She pulled me into a hug as she said “he left you didn’t he? Oh! My poor girl come here”.
She held on to me tightly as I wailed, then I let myself slip from her arms to the floor, she didn't let me go of me, rather, she sat on the floor with me and stroked my hair. I held onto her palms and for the first time, since my Dad left, I understood her.
I understood why she grieved for so long and abandoned me to myself, I understood why she found solace in alcohol. For the very first time since the incident, I felt her pain and I didn’t judge or hate her anymore.
We comforted ourselves on the floor there for what seemed like forever.
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More than Three Months after, I haven't being the same.
“Marilyin Monroe” once said, Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.
well, I don't think this is my case, I know this is the end of my Life.
Oscar was the foundation of my life, he left and now my whole being is crashing to an pike.
So, I let my mom continue to fisticuff me, until I felt a whirling sensation in my head, I could feel my hands grow cold and a little wobbliness.
From the blurriness of my dazed eyes, I could see tears running over her cheeks and the bitterness all over her face.
I had another Smirk on my face, just as I passed out.
