Memoirs of my Heart- 1
As relationships get older, people get scared of falling out of love or even loving their partner a little lesser.
Well, for me it has always been the total opposite. I’m always scared of being too in love as the relationship intensifies.
Sometime last month, I was all deep in this gist of an Instagram couple who had recently split. They both had deleted pictures of each other off their Instagram pages and somehow, both had new pictures of themselves looking all glam and happy. Phew, sad!!
They were strangers but I had this pang of sadness in my heart that made me feel too familiar. I wondered if they were genuinely happy or still in the phase of “posting pictures to let the significant other know they are happy without them”.
One of my biggest fear or would I call it “love peeve”, is falling out of love. No matter how much “yes people do” I get, I’m never truly convinced people fall out of love.
I remember too vividly my first heartbreak experience. Girl, I was almost a wreck. I swore never to fall in love deeply again………………(i did)
I was just a young adult and it was my first relationship. It was evident he was over me and had found love in the new girl he called “bestie”. A reality that was so hard for me to accept.
I deleted his number repeatedly and saved it almost immediately. I would call him just because I didn’t know how-not-to.
We had talked every day for almost 2 years and I didn’t know how to adapt to the change of not talking to him anymore.
It took me over a year to gradually delete pictures and messages, disposed of gift items, and finally like someone else genuinely. Even after so many years, I know I never truly got over it. I only understood that “shit happens” in life.
I’m much older now, I also think I’ve had a lot of personal and nonpersonal experiences but I’ve never been able to overcome the anxiety and fear that comes with people falling out of love or moving on from people they once fantasized a future with.
Think about it a little. Let’s paint a scenario.
You find a person you like, just because you think he has a cheesy smile and cute set of teeth.
A few months later, you are so in love with the little things they do. Like switching off the socket when it’s not in use, the way he brushes his teeth, the sound of him giggling, or even the excitement in his voice when he explains something new to you.
Now you’re in love with this person. You’re so much, they’re the best part of your day. Your favorite notification. You’ve absorbed into the routine you both have created.
A few years later, you decide to get married and have two kids. You both get home just like you love it. You are in love and this is your person. They are ups and downs but you know you both have each other, forever. Just like your vows stated, “together forever”.
After a couple of tough years together and the fights become frequent, the “I-love-Yous” are strange words now, they no longer have affection in their eyes, and you can feel them slipping away.
Then the day comes when the braver person speaks up. “I don’t think I can do this anymore”. The more considerate one tries to fight, “Let’s try again, we Can make this work”.
But, it’s over. The love is no longer there. Maybe there’s someone else already. They’re gone, emotionally.
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Because. Just because.
“Love is not all that matters”. So they say………………………
