CHAOS IN MY HEART
My life sucks, literally.
In the last 13 months, I’ve had the most loathsome life routine.
I’ve been living such a isolated, lonesome life. I’d occasionally lie to my cousin, “Sara”, how amazing it’s been. Whereas, I’m wallowing in misery.
My friends don’t ask me out to hangouts anymore, my colleagues stopped including me in our usual after work hangouts and my family has officially given up on inviting me to Dinner.
It’s understandable that everyone in my life has finally gotten used to my constant excuses i give to escape mingling and has finally let me be solo.
Except for Gerald.
“Gerald” is a neighbor that lives blocks away from my apartment, he’s a chubby sweet guy, very smart but yet dumb to know when to leave me alone. No matter how much I ignore his calls, shut my door to his face, hang up on him or scream at him, Gerald is always at my beck and call.
He’d always ask me over and over, “why can’t I take you on a date”.
My life hasn’t always been like this.
I used to be a bubbly woman, the life of a party, I’d never miss a hangout or party. I was so cheerful, lively, expressive, and jovial. I loved to sing on top of my voice at concerts, watch romantic movies, take a walk, give intimate hugs to strangers because they look really cute and every other silly gesture you could think of.
I used to be elated. Until I came upon this Quote.
After numerous failed situationships and friendships, I was so emotionally drained. I began to feed on so many sad quotes that resonated with my predicament.
I came across that quote one day and it spoke to me. I felt the message was meant for me. I mean, I was already exhausted from the emotional baggage of opening up to people and being left behind at all times. I was tired of being affectionate and loving.
Love or Fervor has never been kind to me. What’s worse? My feelings and emotions betray me every time, it sucks that I have no control of my heart and emotions.
So I did what I felt was right. I resorted to being alone. I gradually started to distance myself from friends and family and hinder myself from establishing any form of romantic relationship.
It felt safe initially, until a year later when I found myself on my couch, watching a boring Tv Show, eating popcorn, and feeling the huge hole inside of my heart. I felt Solitary.
I cried myself to sleep most of the days.
For every time I loved wrongly, got vulnerable to the wrong person, or mixed in a wrong friendship, I didn’t feel so forlorn as I felt now.
Being Alone is no thrill.
I want to wear my emotions on my sleeve every opportunity I get. I want to love and be loved, no matter how messy it might get. I want to give cozy hugs to the people I love. I want to have dinner, girls night, and romantic dates.
So this time, when I hear my doorbell and Gerald scream my name from my front pouch, I hurriedly open the door with a smile on my face.
I quickly put my arms around him in a warm hug, and he didn’t hesitate to hug me back. I placed a soft peck on his chubby cheeks as I peep the surprise and delight on his face.
Come in, Gerald. I’ll make you dinner. I say.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt some warmness in my heart.
Bliss!
Thank you for reading. Do well to clap as much as 50times if you enjoyed this piece. ☺
